Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Hello Ex!

The last time we really talked about how we felt about each other was two to almost three years ago... the day we bade goodbye to an almost wonderful relationship. ALMOST. HAH! To be quite frank, I can no longer remember clearly the reason why we broke up, which is actually good coz it took me two long years before completely moving on with my life [which of course you never knew].

Ahuh. For the longest time, you and those people who knew, thought I was okay with everything. You guys never saw me cry [and for your information, I never did coz it seemed pointless] nor did I complain how you and everybody else treated me so unfairly. Ako na nga ang sinaktan, ako pa ang bad... porke okay ako the next day. I faced the world the very next day that we broke up with a smile on my face and a reassurance from my end that starting that day, things will be just like they were before... before we even committed ourselves to each other. I kept my promise, the way I have kept all my other promises with you [pet peeve, you know, people not keeping promises]. Ugh. Anyway, I embraced a friendship with you after the break up coz that's how things should be, in all relationships. We became even almost super bestfriends.

Because of this, I became a staple [in lack of a better term] character in your life; an important part in all your other relationships. While I was trying so mightily to move on [for that two good years], I came to know the other two girls in your life. As you have put it, you never went in a relationship with them without asking me or den, your real best friend, for approval, nor without us having meet them. Silently, I was hurting, but it made the moving on process more bearable. You fought in our [I & Den's] behalf [since we always decide to not bitch them since we are not in the relationship] whenever these two other girls get jealous of us, saying that before they even became part of your life, we were already there and they had no right to talk crap about us. That reasoning with those girls only amounted to more fights or worse break-ups, but you cared no less.

I know that though I appeared nonchalant of the break up, you knew that letting go of each other was quite hard, not only on my part, but yours too. Kasi kahit naman na ganon ang nangyari sa atin, masyado tayong masaya para pansinin pa talaga ung mga panget side. Maybe that is why we really wanted to preserve everything. Clandestinely, we might have wanted to be together again... though those feelings were never verbalized at that time after the break up.

Two years after [that would be three years now], thank you to the power of reiteration, and with the help from Up Above, I have completely let go of you. That last year in college, the time when I realized I am finally free, I was able to enjoy completely other people's companionship, however, still not committing to anyone. People began to notice how I bloomed, how amidst all the senior year/org/growing up stress(es), I no longer looked haggard nor harrassed. A good lot of them even thought and was even more excited for me, to fall in love. Bah! =P

The other day we went out for coffee [for those reading who had Dr. Co for a professor: not that COFFEE]. We haven't seen each other for the longest time [since November of last year] and rarely have we spoken since that last time because our busy schedules did not permit us. It was but a surprise for me, that after three years, you still actually think that getting back together is a good idea. Ugh.

Hello, ex. Don't you think that is but an absurd idea? We are now so perfect as superfriends. I know that after the break up, I have shut myself from talking about my personal life with you, but now that you see [or atleast assume] how happy and content I am with my life right now, you come rushing in with that stupid idea of getting back together. Two long years of emotional torture, of pretending to be strong, of everyday asking for an intervention on the pain I was feeling, of moving on is enough. We WERE happy... PAST TENSE. But you have pained me so much. Please satisfy yourself with this friendship we have developed through the years after that last time we actually talked about "us".

Besides, I am happy. Though I firmly believe that this is but a solo flight, it is still a choice I am happy to make. THAT person is still responsible for making me smile, for rekindling lost interests [movies, writing, etc], for actually making me think that NOT all men are like the other guys I have met [though that is still in question]. With that person, I have done things I would not normally do. You know how torpid I am when it comes to some few chosen things... with that person, I no longer am.



So I was right all along, we secretly wanted to get back together [atleast the feeling was mutual at that time]

I'm sorry...

This time, as clear as the sun shining on the other side of the world, I no longer have any desires of nurturing the PAST.

Let's just be super friends, the way it has been for three years now. That coffee meeting was a bad idea.

No More I Love You - Acapella

9 comments:

Noime said...

siguro ganun din ang gagawin ko. katulad nung ginawa mo. haha. di naman tama yung dalawang taon kang pinahirapang magmove on tas ngayong ok ka na balak na naman niyang makipagbalikan. sows. hehe. ;)
hanga ako sayo ate. ang tagal nun.

gillboard said...

bakit kaya ganun, kapag nahulog ka talaga ng tuluyan sa isang tao, ang hirap makamove on...

ganyan din ako until recently, nang binigyan ko ng closure yung sa niligawan kong kaibigan dati.

hay.

bloom said...

di ko lam kung magiging happy ako sainyong 2 or magiging sad eh. :( ayawww ko ng mga ganyang scene :(

♥Icey Broken♥ said...

it is really hard moving on lalo na kung wlang formal closure. I am really at my worst now, i thought each day na nakakasurvive ako, akala ko kakayanin ko. Pero i am just fooling myself. Panandalian nakakalimutan ko yung sakit na dulot ng break-up pero hindi sya mawala - wala. Ang hirap lalo na you drawn the future with that someone thru both of your promises to each other. *sigh*

kitschy said...

matagal nga yon. hahaha.

alingjomar said...

moving on takes time and nakasurvive ka na! im happy for you super boi! :)

Fjordan Allego said...

nalulungkot ako.. as in. pakiramdam ko ako yung lalaki.. tsk tsk.. kasi parang ganun ako though wala pang tatlong taon.. hayz!! kapag sa akin nangyari yan.. ewan ko lang talaga.. bakit pa kasi! tsk tsk.. hayz!!

nalungkot talaga ako.. seryoso..

http://fjordz-hiraya.blogspot.com

karmi said...

ummm, 4 years bago ako nakamove on sa dun sa first bf ko. 4 freakin years. bakit? dahil, lagi pa rin nga kaming magkasama at naging staple character din ako sa buhay nya..

mas ok pa ngang friends na lang kau ni ex. kaso, after that coffee meeting, friends pa rin ba kau?

ka bute said...

hi, superboi. :) this one made me stare at the ceiling. hehehe. did you ask the guy why after all those years, he suddenly wanted to make it up with you again? :)

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