Ego lang talaga ang kumakain sa akin. At least, di pa din ako gaya ng iba na hindi alam kung kelan sasabihin na EGO na lang nila ang nagpapatakbo sa kanila. Pero alam niyo yun, matagal na panahon ko bago natanggap to. hahahaaaaay.
I woke up this morning with this unexplainable fear that this day will be just like any other day where in my immediate superior will see (once again) all my flaws and tell me what the hell is wrong with me. Afterwards, domino effect. All the things that I will do for the rest of the day (week) will all be complete UGH!Admittedly, I know that I’ve been committing a hell lot of mistakes, but minor only compared to the huge blunder I did when I was just starting out with this company. It’s fine by me for my immediate superior to pinpoint my mistakes. Besides that's what she should do, right-- train me?
It's just that maybe (just maybe) I am not comfortable whenever she says to me: "hindi ka naman siguro tanga para di mo magets yan?" Yes, I know she's not calling me stupid or something but to get that kind of comment is like having someone undeliberately call you tonta, whatever.
EGO. It will eat you whole, and yes, it's consuming me whole right now.I hate my ego. I hate how it indulges in my every mistake. Thank God, at least I have a little humility left in my system to admit that something is wrong with me.
I just wish I’d find the strength to pursue and own this career I am already in. I am happy, though there are times that I do question whether this is really for me. But I guess no one is truly (and genuinely) happy in their chosen careers. Not even Henry Sy is happy, despite being THAT rich. I need to think and contemplate as to where my life is heading. I need to re-evaluate my strengths and weaknesses and capture the essence of why I am in this industry. I know malabo.
I AM HAPPY with what I do, though not as happy as I wish to be. I just need to learn to love this world. Love as in passion. Passion as in the one I had for AA… to get me going....and let this huge ego eat its self up... hindi yung ako ang kinakain niya. hahahay.shucks.
**FYI: It wasn’t because of ego why I left my former company. It’s more of letting them acknowledge my self worth which they didn’t know how to appreciate back then. Ssssshhhh!