This is not good. I've long wondered if the world would be kinder to me somehow, had I been a better person, and by better I mean more intelligent, less emotional, and a lot more comfortable in my own safe skin. Truth be told, my better self has already left and I do not have the slightest idea where she got flushed, drowned, and died. What I remember distinctly about her is that she knew herself and that she did everything her way--that was her strength and her burden. Now, she only belongs to what Milan Kundera called the poetic memory--what would appear like just a turnip patch in your head which contains the most sublime joys, those that make the world more palatable.
My present self, I consider a salmon that's been following the current because that is how it was designed by nature. I have lost the capacity to think like an intelligent life form. I am just a creature following the expectations of the people I consider important. I am doing so because I want the world to be working...
Playing DOTA is wrong. Missing a call is wrong. The way you manage your accounts is wrong. The way you conduct yourself is wrong. Being OA is wrong. Smoking is wrong. The way you walk is wrong. PDA is wrong. Your overall diskarte in life is wrong. Just die if you keep doing everything wrong (11x) Wala ka nang ginawang tama. Thank you very much, universe for always proving me wrong.
Where is the old you? Back then you do things the way you do regardless of what people think. Regardless if they think you are wrong and almost always, you end up amazing them. Had you still been the person you were before, things would have been easier.
January 22, 2010