"...Most 5 year old children can express their feelings better than me. I tend to act older than I am. I’m probably one of the most difficult people you will ever meet. But I can be sweet. I’m a great listener. I will never judge you based on your mistakes, and I’ll love you as much as I can. I can be, if you let me, one of the best things in your life..."
let's unlearn some things, then, Sam? You're old, geez.